A Going Crazy Two

headlights-fsSitting here reading
It’s been two pages
And I don’t remember a word

I am with you
As if walking
As if I’ve said all I can say
As if I love you
As if that’s not enough
Not anymore
I don’t know what you want me to say
I don’t know how to go back and fix
Whatever it is I broke
I don’t really know
But you expect me to
Understand you don’t see
How a man’s head can be cement
How his ears can be bunged
How his heart might not and
Wonder why beat in unison
In this case yours

Haven’t I been paying
Enough attention to you
I haven’t wanted to do
Enough of what you do
Though the ground you
Walk on is always a surprise

But

I have.
I have!
I have two and two
A going crazy two to
Understand

Sitting here I would
Desperately not knowing
The difference between two
Better than I have to
Short of being

Is that what you want?
I ask
No
You say

But it is
Isn’t it
You want me to be two
To give up the one
And only for the only one
You want whatever I
Should know it is

Understanding, though…
Isn’t that a truck in the middle
Of a dark, rainy, dreary night
Without headlights around a curve
As if the light of the moon is
Enough is never enough
And more than enough is what
Will wear the brakes if the hill
Is steeper than the dark is
Too much for the moon.

You don’t understand
And that’s what I’ve been
Saying I don’t either
As if it should have meaning
Enough to be left
Unsaid
But then, it’s raining
And it always has been

A Going Crazy Two

A Single Leaf

with the sun settinga leaf on the path
the forest in deepening shadow
feeling the growing coolness
I hear the crackling sound
of a single leaf being crushed
somewhere behind me
and I tense in anticipation
thinking it is you
having changed your mind

waiting and listening
all my senses taught
there is not another sound
until the dog licks my hand
ready to accompany me
on my last walk
through the woods
on the path
leading away
from you

A Single Leaf

He Will Not Say Who

he will not say who’s wantingman in a fog, walking away
you don’t need to, she
said she had to let him go, even though
though she never would learn what
nor would she ever know
and it would tear at her inner
ripping like a dull blade
no smooth cold slice
in the vicinity
that’s the way it was
nearly, merely a guess
how she let him go
where

There was not enough time to know
there was no sacrifice to be made
she piled the sticks on top of each
but they did not add up
and they would not burn
she recognized him for what
he would continue walking never
there would be no admittance
no means to scrabble over
then the truth would not matter
promising would not help
for she knew there was a lie
because his not knowing was knowing
while she would weep
for the wanting

He Will Not Say Who

Suggling Up with a Quart of

snuggling up with a half quart of blueberry pie
half burnt and looking at my hands
trying not to reach bottom
trying to make it last but

when an earthworm bumps into
another earthworm as surely they must
at one time or another do they say
hello, funny bumping into you here

please, please let me hold you
let me hold you for a moment
don’t avert your gaze
don’t sing a song i don’t know

a slice of berry pie cracked in
the middle is something
to think about along with
half burnt and earthworms but

every week or so i will return
and you will ask me to stay
and i will say i never left
but you will know, you will

know i don’t love you
because i am just a comma
in your life a comma before
like a bottle of half burnt

Suggling Up with a Quart of

Sure You Can Say

Do what you likepaint speckled on blue
it’s other than maybe
you can pretend happy
unless you are

inside the otherside
you will heartbeat
it will be what
what you wanted

no part have i
neither in my hair
nor in this other
it is the only plan

Sure you can say
but will you mean
or simply be
other than gentle

angry is the stream
in a sudden storm
throwing water, sand
is your response this

should i leave knowing
i could salvage
a special daytime
if life lasted a day

and still call it love?

Sure You Can Say

Losing a Poem

Is this a poemwoman walking away
or just words
flying by like
red winged birds
the days are light
and old men sight
the openings
and closings

Mesmerize
and hold
the prize
like old sold
soiled spoiled
well worn ties
creating a simple
foreign guise
within subways
both ways

You could say
or you could not
put the children
in the slot
and make them
laugh a lot
when you say
you have a snot
that you forgot

If you really love me
really, really love me
won’t you sally
across my fields
tasting my grains
of wheat and corn
and not leave me lonely
shorn and forlorn

This is not a poem
it’s just words
like your love
not love at all
breathing practice
in the hall
toward the stairs
going up
or going down

A forgery is being played
a bright light in the shade
making children giggle
while you snicker
and feel astute
and rather cute
because I lost you
like this poem
long, long ago

Losing a Poem